


Holmes on Atlantis

by Siria



Category: Holmes on Homes RPF, Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Crossover, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-10-17
Updated: 2010-10-17
Packaged: 2017-10-21 17:30:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/227756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Siria/pseuds/Siria
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mike fixes Atlantis.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Holmes on Atlantis

**Author's Note:**

> Written for sheafrotherdon's [Holmes on Homes comment fic festival.](http://sheafrotherdon.livejournal.com/529593.html)

"You know, me and my guys, we're not interior designers. We don't make the calls about the colours or where you stick your dado rails or how many throw pillows you want to have there, so maybe these windows here, maybe they're exactly the right fit for this space. Maybe it works with what you've got going on here. But me, looking at these? No way these are to code. You telling me that in a professional workplace, in a place where you got men and women, good men and women risking their lives on a daily basis, that they should put up with stuff like this? One hit from a stray laserbeam, this stuff is going to explode, it's going to vaporise, next thing you know you've got glass everywhere, you've got glass in your lungs. Might be pretty colours, but it's not safety glass. No way this should pass inspection, I don't care how ancient this structure is."

"Uh," Rodney said, talking out of the side of his mouth in that way he had when he thought he was being discreet. "Sheppard? Who's the guy in the dungarees waving a spirit level around?"

John shrugged. "Maintenance while we're on Earth," he mumbled around the lollipop he was working on. "Air Force is subcontracting again."

"Who does that?" the guy continued, apparently oblivious to John and Rodney standing about twenty feet away, hands in their respective pockets, watching him. "I mean, it's not often that I'm advocating minimum code here, but in a case like this, well, you could stick some two-inch plywood up in here and I'd be happier—Ted. Ted, who did this wiring? Can I get a multimeter over here? I bet this whole thing is live."

Rodney rocked back on the balls of his feet. "Canadian, hmm? I like to see a fellow countryman uphold our fine tradition of equitable indignation. Does the heart good."

John made no answer; he was too busy eyeing the guy's cache of power tools. The torque on that electric drill alone... He shifted from foot to foot.

"Yeah, just look at that. All live. Someone overloads this circuit here, you plug in your laptop, your unknown alien device, and there you go: instant fire. Then where's your space city, hmm? How many times do I got to say it? You need to hire reputable people to do your work!"

Teyla drifted past. "Mr Holmes' passion for his work is admirable," she said, arching an eyebrow as Holmes pried a panel off the wall. "It seems a true vocation for him."

John pulled the lollipop out of his mouth. "He wants to give Ronon a job as a sub-contractor. Says he likes how he handles a sledgehammer."

"That's disturbing on a number of levels," Rodney said.

"Look at this! Didn't even damp-course the crystals. You need at least a two inch membrane around these. Any true professional will tell you that. Pull that out, get rid of it. Jeez."

The three of them watched in silence for several minutes more, as Holmes identified three patches of damp rot and pointed out that the floor of the gateroom was about three degrees off true. It was kind of mesmerising. "I would suggest we go for lunch," Teyla said eventually, "but I fear that we would return to find this whole section of the city dismantled."

"Hmm," Rodney agreed absently. "It has a certain air of bathos to it, doesn't it? To such an anticlimax have we come. What the Wraith couldn't destroy..."

"Takes a Canadian to do?" John suggested in a _totally nonchalant_ manner. The fact that both Teyla and Rodney hit him upside the head at the exact same time just wasn't fair.


End file.
